"To be kind is more important than to be right. Many times, what people need is not a brilliant mind that speaks but a special heart that listens."

~ F. Scott Fitzgerald

One of the earliest memories I have of my grandfather took place one evening as I was standing in the space between our living room and kitchen. As I peered into the kitchen, I could see my grandfather seated at one end of the dinner table and my dad seated at the other. What caught my attention was the fact that they were yelling at one another. Usually any yelling in the house took place between my brother and I but this yellfest was taking place during the heart of the Watergate scandal. My dad was a Goldwater Republican and my grandfather was an FDR Democrat. I was all of about six or seven years old at the time and here they were yelling at one another about if Nixon was guilty as charged. I don’t remember the outcome of the argument as I’m sure they eventually made up. But that memory has left an indelible mark on my life.

There is a lot of yelling these days isn’t there. Taking just a casual glance at the nightly news or briefly surf social media, you will find no shortage of people yelling at one another. Bullhorns, signs, and social media platforms all make for giant megaphones. This loud proclaiming of one’s opinion, nowadays is done in such a way as to drown out other voices. Everyone wants to make sure that their voice is heard. It’s ok to make sure that one gets their point across, but I like what author Cathy Burnham Martin says,

“Some people believe that if they yell and scream, others will get the point of just how serious they are. For me, all I get is the point of just how out of control that someone is.”

In spite of the daily bellowing that roars across our airwaves, I believe there is still hope for civil discourse. It would do us us all good to remember the words of James the brother of Jesus:

“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.” James 1:9

Author and Pastor Mark Batterson was a special guest at our most recent church service, and he mentioned, “I’m not sure anyone wins a shouting match.”

So true. Let us all be mindful of the words we use and how we use them.

Silence

I admit that I’m not the most prolific writer. But even for me not having posted anything over the last few months is unusual. Honestly, I have just been unsure of what to write about during the pandemic. Adding to the pandemic, I was still trying to get my head around the Ahmaud Arbery shooting when the George Floyd murder happened. And of course, all hell broke loose after that. I just didn’t feel anything I would have written would have been particularly helpful during such a tumultuous time.

Some of my silence is because I have been trying to understand more about the racial divide in our country. I have been trying to learn and listen to voices of people who do not look like me. My silence is also due in part to the various emotions that I have felt. Like a lot of you I have dealt with depression, confusion, loss, and many other feelings during this difficult season. I didn’t feel like adding my voice to the discord that has been happening. 

But it is time to write again.

L’Angelus

“An Drochshaol” was the name of the period during the great potato famine that struck Ireland in the late 1840’s. Translated in English it simply means hard times. And hard times it was as the famine took the lives of close to one million Irish during a roughly five-year period. Ten years after the famine, French artist Jean-François Millet painted this painting, “L’Angelus.” The painting soon became a popular work of art hanging on the walls of many homes throughout Europe. Translated to English “The Angelus” is a prayer recited three times a day in some Catholic communities. In mid-19th century Europe, church bells would ring across the countryside as a way of calling devotees to pause wherever they were and to cease whatever they were doing. Millet’s painting depicts a man and a woman, presumably a married couple, pausing at the end of the day to give thanks. Their pausing is a recognition of their dependency on God and serves as a way of acknowledging him as their provider. This painting has been a powerful reminder to me in a couple of ways during this global pandemic we are currently facing.

The first is simply recognizing the importance that work plays in our lives. In this difficult time, I know many people who have lost their jobs. This job loss is obviously leading to other stressors in life; how to pay bills and buy groceries among them. There is also the loss of interaction with others that comes with our work and serves our mental health in ways we may have never really appreciated before. For those who still have work and can do so from home there is the gratefulness, that although your work is different than it was before the virus, it is still work.

This painting has also reminded me of my need to have a rhythm where I pause at some point in my day to reflect and give thanks to God. This daily pause is all the more important as our daily lives have been turned upside down and we all have had to learn to live in this new normal. Whether you have little, such as the couple in the painting, or you have an abundance it is important to remember God as our sustainer. “The Angelus” prayer ends with,

Pour forth, we beseech You, O Lord,
Your Grace into our hearts;
that as we have known the incarnation of Christ,
your Son by the message of an angel,
so by His passion and cross
we may be brought to the glory of His Resurrection.
Through the same Christ, our Lord.

Amen

Gentleness

Who are you becoming?

That’s a question recently posed to our church during a teaching series and its one that I have been giving quite a lot of thought to. As a Christ-follower, I want to become more like Christ. And one way to become more like Christ is to practice gentleness towards others.

When it comes to Jesus there are numerous examples where he displayed gentleness in the Scriptures. But I would like to highlight one intense interaction between Jesus and the religious leaders of the day:

“At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in
adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?”

They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let anyone of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” Again, he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. John 8:1-9

What started as a classroom environment with Jesus as the teacher… is interrupted by the wailing of this woman and the verbal assaults of her accusers. I imagine this scene unfolding with her being dragged, or at the very least being manhandled by this group of men. And then violently thrown to the ground in front of Jesus. You can see how this quickly became a very emotionally charged atmosphere.

There’s a lot to this passage isn’t there? The woman of course was caught, red-handed, in the actual act of having sexual relations with someone other than her husband. Her accusers cite The Law of Moses that says,

"'If a man commits adultery with another man's wife--with the wife of his neighbor--both the adulterer and the adulteress are to be put to death.” Leviticus 20:10

So, the obvious question is…where is the man? How come he wasn’t dragged before Jesus also? Some scholars think that the Pharisees weren’t all that interested in the man or even the woman for all that matter. It was all a trap because ultimately it was Jesus that they were after.

But here is this woman sobbing before Jesus, guilty as charged. She knows it, everybody knows it, including Jesus. What do you think this woman is feeling? My guess is she’s feeling lonely, she’s certainly scared and unsure of what the future holds, perhaps she has even resigned herself to her fate.

One thing I’m certain she was feeling is shame.

Shame is a very powerful emotion, isn’t it? It’s the idea that you haven’t just done a bad thing, but that you are a bad person. Dr. Brene Brown is a researcher who specializes in shame. She says at its core:

“Shame is the fear of disconnection.”

Because we are relational creatures, she goes on to say:

“Shame is the fear that something we’ve done or failed to do, an ideal that we’ve not lived up to, or a goal that we’ve not accomplished makes us unworthy of connection.”

The woman in our story is certainly disconnected, isn’t she? 

Now imagine yourself in her place by thinking of the worst thing you have ever done. And now that thing is out in the open for all to see. That’s what is happening to this woman. When you read the passage, with that thought in your mind, you can immediately identify with her can’t you? If that thing you are most ashamed of
in your life was known to the rest of the world, what is it you would most need from people? What would you most need from God? You would probably most desire someone to offer you forgiveness, you would want someone to have empathy toward you…someone to extend gentleness.

As the tension hangs in the air everyone wants to know what is Jesus is going to do. The Pharisees were
right of course, under the Law of Moses the woman had committed a capital offense. But how would Jesus respond?

In this woman’s time of greatest need, when she was literally at the mercy of her captors, and her life hung in the balance. She needed someone to save her. And as her captors slowly walked away Jesus looked the woman in the eye and asked, 

“Where are your accusers? Has no one condemned you?”

“No one sir!”

“Then neither do I, go and sin no more.” John 8:10-11

A question for you? Do you think that woman’s life was drastically changed because of the gentleness
Jesus extended to her? He could have just as easily lectured the woman about her guilt in breaking one of the 10 Commandments. He could have just as easily told her how he saved her life. But as Dr. Brown reminds us, 

“You cannot shame or belittle people into changing their behaviors.” 

My guess is this woman’s life was greatly impacted by this act of gentleness. And the thing about gentleness, like forgiveness, when it is extended to you, and you experience it on a deep level; you are compelled to extend the same gentleness to others.

“A gentle person treads lightly, listens carefully, looks tenderly, and touches with reverence. A gentle person knows that true growth requires nurture, not force.” Henri Nouwen

Let’s go practice gentleness towards others today.

Gentleness

The Art of Sitting

In the book of Job chapter one we read about how God allowed Satan to test Job by taking away his property and his children. In chapter two the harassment continues with Satan attacking Job’s health. The chapter ends with three of Job’s friends who, upon hearing of Job’s trials, come to visit him.

“Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was.” Job 2:13

This act of sitting on the ground was a common practice for Jews. And sitting for seven days represented the usual time of mourning for the dead. The art of sitting is one that I have come to learn over many years, and I admit that I’m still not very good at it.

An important lesson that I learned, of sitting with people in their struggle, happened in 2006 when I met a woman, who was in her mid-50’s. One day as she was in the kitchen she tripped over her small dog and broke her ankle. Prior to her accident she was a very healthy, active woman full of life. She went in the hospital to surgically repair her ankle, and she never came out until the day she died, which was about a year later.

During her hospital stay she ended up having one problem after another; blood clots, and aneurysms, and heart issues, and lung issues. When I first went to visit her, I was naively of the mindset that I needed to come and impart some words of wisdom to her as a way of encouraging her. At the time, she was still in fairly good health, but about 6 months later when I went to see her again, she had become this haggard old woman on the brink of death. And what I learned during
that last visit was that she didn’t need my words of wisdom, or more accurately my words of ignorance. What she most desired from me, and from others who came to visit her, was to just sit and be. She was the person who taught me the value of sitting.

To sit with someone means going from movement to a stationary place. A place where attention is given primarily by listening. And for a lot of us that’s hard. But we have to take the time to sit in order to care for others. Over the last few weeks I have had several people sit with me as I have contemplated a murder/suicide that happened to three of my friends in Texas. My friends presence as we have sat together and talked, and sometimes not said anything has been really good for me.

Sitting with people is especially good when you are trying to digest why things happen the way they do. Dennis Ritchie is a blogger that I read every once in a while, and he says,

“Sitting with someone in pain or grief requires the courage to go where there are no answers,
and the fortitude to stay there.”

Sitting with someone takes time, it takes energy. And often times we’re short on both aren’t we? But I would like to remind you that your role as a Christ follower is not to impart the Gospel through your words, as much as it is through your actions. And your time of sitting with people and journeying with them through the hard stuff is the most important thing that you and I can do as Christians.

When you and I sit and listen to people they feel loved and cared for and worthy of being heard. The Apostle Paul in writing to the Corinthian church says:

“And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.” I Corinthians 1:7

Just remember that Jobs friends were doing good until they began to talk. After that it was all downhill.

Sadness

  It’s been a tough week! Normally on my morning walks with my dog Cooper I have my headphones in, and I listen to a variety of podcasts. But the last few mornings I’ve walked in silence. I’ve been doing a lot of self-reflection in the midst of my feelings of anger, and general confusion. I have also had serious doubts about who is running the show in Heaven! Because at this point it is very apparent that God doesn’t have a clue what he is doing.

All of this is due to the call that I received from my wife this past Tuesday night. I was a mile from home when I answered the call and she told me that my friend and former co-worker, Richard Logan, had killed his wife, one of his children, and then himself.  Richard and I worked together at a church in Texas and during our time together I knew him to be a funny, fun, outgoing guy who loved people and the Lord. Richard left the church staff and went on to bigger things as he founded a para church ministry called Attack Poverty This ministry has done so much good in the Richmond/Sugar Land, Texas area and reaching even into Africa with a message of hope. Richard’s impact has been felt by thousands of people.

Of course, none of this would have been possible without his wife Diana. Diana was a beautiful soul with a radiant smile and a gentle spirit. Anne, another friend of mine, described Diana in this way:

“Diana was every bit of the definition of lovely. She celebrated with me
and grieved with me through my losses. It’s hard to imagine our community
without her. What a hero she was as she kept her family, supported her husband,
was a faithful friend, an example of Christ to others, nurtured children and so
much more. I could only imagine to be half the woman you were.”

As a lover of people Diana influenced the lives of countless women through Bible studies, teas, and simply being a good neighbor. She was also a preschool teacher who modeled to young children what it meant to be a follower of Jesus.

For reasons still unknown Richard also took the life of his son, Aaron, a fun, engaging fifth grader who had his whole life in front of him. The Logan’s adopted Aaron, and I remember how happy they were when they could call Aaron their own.

Thankfully, Ambrielle, the Logan’s 22-year-old daughter survived an attack by Richard. But will now have to navigate the rest of her life without her parents and little brother. Please keep Ambrielle in your prayers. This year was supposed to be the year that she graduated from college and embark on her own career path. I can’t imagine the pain and confusion and loss that she must be feeling.

Monday, I will be in Texas to grieve with an entire community gathering to say goodbye to three quarters of the Logan family. Hopefully, in doing that, I will be encouraged by others and restore my faith in a God who I know desperately loves all of us. Right now, though nothing seems to make sense.

Surprise

 Several weeks ago, during our all staff chapel, those in
attendance were given sheets of paper that had various questions to be
discussed at our tables. One of the questions was do you like surprises. As
different people shared their responses to surprises it came time for my
co-worker Kenda to share. She mentioned a couple of years ago how one morning
she was in the shower getting ready for work. As she was washing her hair, she
begins to feel something moving at her feet. For a second she discounts it, but
a moment later she realizes there is no mistaking that something is wiggling
and touching her feet. As she quickly washes the soap out of her eyes she looks
down and sees a snake in the shower with her!

Now, can we pause here just a moment…

I mean really! A snake in the shower! You could probably
think of a dozen things you might expect to see in a shower, but I would
venture to say that a snake would be among the last on that list. What would
you have done if you were in that situation? I have a cousin who is deathly
afraid of snakes and if she were in that shower she would have unashamedly, and
as quickly as possible, ran out of that house wearing nothing but soap suds!

Talk about a surprise, right?

With us still at the front end of the New Year I have been
pondering this idea of surprise. Of course, being surprised can be good or bad.
One can be surprised by a dog darting out in front of you on your drive to
work. And you can be surprised by your friends and family hiding in your house
and welcoming you for your birthday as you open the door.

This year what surprising ways are you hoping for God to
show up in your life? Maybe it’s an unexpected financial gift, a new
relationship, or being cured from an ailment that has troubled you for many
years. Whatever surprise you are hoping for remember that God is a God of the
unexpected. Let’s together pray for God to show up in surprising ways.

Thankfully the snake in Kenda’s shower was a harmless grass
snake who somehow got side-tracked that morning. She was able to take care of
him in a timely manner and continued with her shower with no more wiggles at
her feet.

Immanuel

Artwork by Michaela Steininger

I have always been a bit of a space geek. Since I was a little kid, I have been enthralled with the moon mission and all that it took for the astronauts to make President Kennedy’s proclamation in 1962 a reality,

 "We choose to go to the Moon not because it is easy but because it is hard.”

Seven years later in July of 1969 three astronauts, Buzz Aldrin, Neil Armstrong, and Michael Collins were on their way to the moon as part of the Apollo 11 space mission. For Collins this was his second mission in space. Little did he know that it would be his last. As the Command Module Pilot, Collins would remain in the module and make 18 lunar orbits while Aldrin and Armstrong walked on the moon.

The interesting aspect of each lunar orbit is that as the command module drifted behind the moon, for 47 minutes Collins had zero contact with the known world. Reflecting on this period of utter solitude, he wrote:

 “This venture has been structured for three men, and I consider my third to be as necessary as either of the other two. I don’t mean to deny a feeling of solitude. It is there, reinforced by the fact that radio contact with the Earth abruptly cuts off at the instant I disappear behind the moon, I am alone now, truly alone, and absolutely isolated from any known life. I am it. If a count were taken, the score would be three billion plus two over on the other side of the moon, and one plus God knows what on this side”.

 At his furthest point on the dark side of the moon, Collins was over 2200 miles from the closest human. It has been said that, “Not since Adam has any human known such solitude as Mike Collins experienced.”

We don’t have to be on the far side of the moon to feel thousands of miles away from people or from God. This is what makes the Christmas story all the more powerful. God, in recognizing the divide that occurred when sin entered our world, sent his Son Jesus on a mission. A mission that Max Lucado captures in his book “God Came Near.”

 “He came, not as a flash of light or as an unapproachable conqueror, but as one whose first cries were heard by a peasant girl and a sleepy carpenter. God tapped humanity on its collective shoulder, "Pardon me," he said, and eternity interrupted time, divinity interrupted carnality, and heaven interrupted the earth in the form of a baby.”

 This was a mission that wouldn’t just bring mankind back into a right relationship with him, but one that would also provide comfort to those who are lonely, who are separated, who are marginalized. This is why we celebrate what the prophet Isaiah shared 700 years before the birth of Christ;

 “Therefore, the Lord Himself will give you a sign: Behold, the virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and she will call Him Immanuel.”

 Immanuel…God with us!

Lessons from Uganda Part III – I Will Never Leave You!

The last installment of this three-part post highlighting a harrowing ordeal that my good friend Brent Phillips experienced with his family while in Uganda.

Even if you don’t know my wife very well, you do know this Italian momma makes sure the people around her have plenty of food. She shows up with fruit, water, chicken, Pringles, bread and eggs. How she found all of this at that little market I have no idea. The officer then lets Bo out of the cell and we start eating and talking and the officer says, “I don’t think he should be here. I don’t understand why we are holding him.”

The phone rings and it is the embassy – the same agent I had talked to before. He tells me, “Bo will be released, as will his license and the car. There will be no court tomorrow and this will be finished.” The call from Nelson’s superior should come anytime now. I hang up and share the news with all in the lobby. Relief…

Time continues to tick on, though with no call. 10 minutes…20 minutes…30 minutes… so, I call him back. “We still haven’t received a call,” I said. He seems a bit more frustrated now, but assures me what he said will happen, will happen! “In fact, I will have his superior call you, his name is Major _______ and he will explain to you how this will all be finished.” He then asked me where in the states we were from.

“We were in California for about 35 years then spent the last 8 years in Austin, Texas.”

“Are you a Longhorn?” he asks.

“Yes, in fact I am wearing a burnt orange Texas Longhorn shirt right now.”

“Consider all of this an act of grace”, he says, “I am a graduate of Texas A & M.”

More time passes and hope is rising. There is more laughter than crying and we feel great appreciation for every person involved who desired to help us. Around 10:00 pm, Bo is released and we all head home.

It was on the way home, we talked of the fear, the worry, and the unknown of the situation as well as the grace, the mercy and the power of God in all of it. Bo said, “I am not sure all the things we are supposed to learn from this, other than make sure the convoy is all the way finished.” But, as soon as the door closed and I was alone in that cell Paul flashed into my brain and I just thought if God sustained Paul in much worse conditions than this, He can take care of me too.

Brent’s story is a great example of how God will allow us to face challenging life situations as a way of bringing us closer to him. Brent and his family still travel to Uganda several times a year in their role as the CEO of Cherish Uganda.

"Overcome Depression" Book Review

About the Book
Book: Overcome Depression
Author: Margaret Lalich
Genre: Non-fiction/self-help/Christian growth
Release Date: March 22, 2019

BREAKTHROUGH SCIENCE SHINES NEW LIGHT ON HOLY SCRIPTURES. “…pulls back the curtain to clearly & simply reveal how our mind works… A fun and eye-opening book” Karl Benzio, M.D., Medical Director: Honey Lake Clinic & Lighthouse Network.

This faith-based, reader friendly guide offers more than 100 self-help strategies and recovery skills for coping with depression. Brain Science and evidence based therapeutic practices offer hands-on, practical tools for immediate use.

“Amazing book! I have read so many books on depression and this is the only one that has truly helped me.”—Wendy Freeman, California

“…an amazing book on overcoming depression… deep, and yet understandable… a very practical and encouraging book about a very dark subject.”—Bill Walden, Pastor Cornerstone Ministries, Ca.

Click here to purchase your copy!

MY REVIEW

Our society is finally raising the awareness of mental health, and its impact on our culture. More and more we are reading in the news the impact that mental health has on the rise of homelessness and mass shootings. As of help have been various public figures who have acknowledged their own struggles in this hidden area of our lives. Margaret Lalich’s recent book, “Overcome Depression” is at the spear head of understanding an illness that impacts the lives of 30 – 40 million Americans. And in particular those who have been impacted by a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI). “Overcome Depression” is a practical read that provides a strategy to follow for those afflicted with depression due to injuries to the brain.

The first seven chapters are pretty heavy on brain science and understanding what the physiological features of the brain are and why they function as they do. Margaret teaches the reader, “the structure, operations, and the incredible integration of body, brain, and mind in one connected, dynamic and interactive system.” In what I consider to be the best parts of the book she offers “Strategies” at the end of every chapter. These strategies are very practical tools/ideas on how to battle depression and are applicable to everyone whether they have a brain injury or not. The reader will come to appreciate the high value that Margaret places on Scripture and prayer as tools in dealing with depression.

“Overcome Depression” offers a nice mix of science, coping strategies and tips on how to respond to our environment. I’m not sure how wide of an audience this book will reach, but for those who have been impacted by depression due to a brain injury this book will be a godsend!

I requested a copy of this book from Celebrate Lit and received an e-version. I was not required to leave a positive review. All thoughts and opinions expressed are my own.

Enter here for a giveaway where one winner will receive a Signed Copy of the Paperback, a Refreshment Pk., and a $25 Amazon Gift Card.